Jackie , daughter of Apollo

Character Name: Jackie Sanders
Gender: Female
Age: 16
Description (hair and eye color, height, body type (skinny, muscular, etc) required): Red curly hair, tan. 5 ft 6 inches, skinny, blue/green eyes.
God and mortal parent: Apollo and Stephanie Sanders
Powers**: Can make a ball of light appear for 3 hours.
Flaws***: Talks to much, Takes advantage of people, Impatient
Pets: no pets
Weapon****: slingshot
Talents/Skills: Writing Poems, Acting, Weaving.
RP Example*: It was dark. Horribly dark. I was scared. To scared for words, but these are mine. No flashlights no light at all. I held out my hand for my mother to grab and she reached for it then backed away. I looked at her but then at my hand. There was light everywhere. I was knocked out by i think my mom. I woke up and she told me the whole thing was a dream. But i never forgot that dream.
Biography*: Jackie was born in Manhatten, New york. Father- Apollo. Mother- Stephanie Sanders. When Jackie was 11 skipped 7th and 8th grade in Junior High. When going to high school, half way throw her 1st year of high school she got into MaryMount Manhatten. A school of the liberal arts. When she turned 14 she went home to see her mother and tell her that she wanted to become an Actress. Jackie had still not known about Apollo being her father. Her mother was very excited but also worried about this. . One day jackie was in her dorm studying and her roommate was trying to sleep so she shut the light off. So Jackie sighed and put her on the cover of the book and then a ball of light apperaed there. Jackie looked up at the teacher very suprised. The teachers at MaryMount Manhatten decided that they didnt want some freak going to there school so they kicked her out of MaryMount Manhatten. Jackie went home and her mother told her everything that happened. Jackie decided not to become an actress but to stay home with her mother because she was sick. When her mother died, Jackie tryed pursing her acting career again. She decided to work at an entertainment resturant where they preformed greek myths.

RP example needs ot be a tad bit longer and do her powers drain her?

I changed it what do u think?

seems good now

Her story just can't work. .

you're not allowed to have your characters visited by their god parents. I'm pretty sure that's a rule.

Visiting Olympus years before finding out who her father was or that she was a demi-god? No. Campers only get to go to camp on the solstice and equinox. But that's it.

Her power would be power-playing. Taking control of other people's characters isn't allowed.

Her power not draining her makes her a Mary Sue. Over-perfect character.

Okay, I changed the power and the story what do you think?

Oh and by the way thanks for all the advice everyone!

you need to change the RP example because if she can control paintings she can't hypnotize people

oopsie I am so thoughtless okay so how about now?

I think you should take out the part taht says 'when she was 11 she went to olympus' cause thats against the rules and add in how much her powers drain her and then you might want to add how she found camp half blood. And then you should be ok!

It says that her powers drain her in 6 hours and okay i changed the think about Olympus

ok i think you're good now but i'm not sure if I can approve or not cause i used to be able too but im not sure if i still can.

Oh its fine if you can't. I will just wait for Kendall or another admin to see this and Approve it. But everyone who gave me good advice for this thank you!

Hey I dont mean to be impatient but when will this be approved? Is there still something wrong with it?

This would be approved when an admin sees it.

Which is now.

Sadly, though, that's not an Apollo power.

how is it not an apollo power? cause apollo is also the god of art

It's not what we usually consider an Apollo power. Sure, he might be god of art, but we save animating things for Hecate kids.

ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh k

Okay I changed the power, what do you think?

you need to change the Rp example and Biography cause they still have the old power in it

How about now?

I think its pretty good.

Sorry for the impatience but I think its been maybe a month since you replyed. Or a year haha. But I was just wondering...when is it going to get approved?

Approved.