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| | | Title Pending |  |
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+3Liz Hannah Zwn (Zoe in Greek) 7 posters | | Author | Message |
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Zwn (Zoe in Greek)
officer, i just want you to know that i'm not like other girls; i'm cute and quirky
Posts : 8143
Join date : 2010-04-18
Location : bed
|  Subject: Title Pending  1/1/2011, 6:37 pm | |
| Prologue
I can’t tell you who I really am. If I did, I’d have to kill you.
Just kidding. I wouldn’t have to kill you, but your life would immediately suck so bad that you would actually wish that actually would have killed you.
So I won’t tell you who I really am. I will give you a fake name, the age I was when this story started, but not now that it’s over, no locations, nothing. Just a fake name. And a fake name for everyone else.
I can tell you what I am, though. But not yet. The story has to develop more before I can tell you what I am.
I can tell you how I look, but you must not look for me on the streets. I can tell you the things I like, but you must not do those things just to find me.
My fake name and the name you will call me by when talking about this is Shanice Walters. At the time that this story takes place, I am 15. I was a normal teenage girl who was annoyed with her family, took her friends and everything she had for granted, and dreamed of being famous. Only now do I see how stupid I was.
Now that that’s out of the way, I guess I can move on with the story. Read on if you dare.
________________________________
Yeah, random thing I just came up with! So, I really need feedback on this. Please, don't say anything like 'This is stupid!' or 'I hate this you suck at writing!' because I am a very sensitive person to stuff like that. It's fine if you say that you don't like it, but please say it kindly. If people like it, I will post more of it. | |
| | | | Hannah
Demigod
Posts : 1135
Join date : 2010-04-19
Age : 24
Location : Why do you want to know that? O.o
| | Subject: Re: Title Pending 1/1/2011, 6:55 pm | |
| It's good.  | |
| | | | Liz
Head Admin, Goddess of Reading and Fangirliness
Posts : 6891
Join date : 2010-12-07
Age : 26
Location : Hyperventilating over a book.
| | Subject: Re: Title Pending 1/1/2011, 7:07 pm | |
| Oh my gosh this is like amazing! I love writing myself. It's very interesting!  | |
| | | | Bob
Big Three Demigod
Posts : 4552
Join date : 2010-12-12
Age : 28
| | Subject: Re: Title Pending 1/1/2011, 7:12 pm | |
| Very nice I would love to read more. | |
| | | | Zwn (Zoe in Greek)
officer, i just want you to know that i'm not like other girls; i'm cute and quirky
Posts : 8143
Join date : 2010-04-18
Location : bed
| | Subject: Re: Title Pending 1/1/2011, 11:18 pm | |
| CHAPTER ONE
“Oh my God, Shanice! Look at this dress!” my best friend, Kayla’s, voice rang out to me from the clothing rack next to the one I was inspecting.
I look over at the dress and gasp. “Oh my God, that’s so cute!” I say, grinning at Kayla.
Kayla looks at the price tag and squeals. “It’s half off!”
“Then get it!” I say. “It’s half off, it’s beautiful, and the color compliments your hair and eyes!” I look at the size. “Plus it’s in your size!” I add.
“I’m getting it!” Kayla says.
“Good! Because it’s perfect for you!”
After Kayla buys the dress, we decide to go to my place.
The bus is crowded, but Kayla and I don’t really mind. Mostly Kayla, though. She’s got her new dress, and clothes make Kayla really happy.
The bus stops at our stop, and we get off.
Everything is going just fine, but that’s until we get to my house.
A big crowd, several ambulances, and caution tape. All at my house.
I start to sprint over to my house, shoving through the people. The news station is here, and they keep telling me to get back, but I don’t listen. I just keep shoving past them.
When I get to the caution tape, a police man holds me back. “Ma’am, this is no place for children. Please leave.”
“No!” I yell. “I’m not leaving until I find out what happens.”
“Go home, kid. This is none of your business,” another policeman says.
“I am home!” I yell at them.
They look at me with confused expressions on their faces.
“That’s my house right there!” I yell, pointing to my home right at the end of the driveway.
Both of the policemen look at each other.
“I’m not sure how to say this, but…” Cop Number One says, not finishing his sentence.
“What?” I ask.
“Your family was brutally murdered,” Cop Number Two says.
“But—“ I say, then the ground rushes up at my face, and everything goes black.
END OF CHAPTER ONE
_____________________________
Yes, Shanice once was a bubble head! Gasp! Tell me what you think of this chapter! Chapter two will be up soon! | |
| | | | Carrie Beary
cooler than u
Posts : 4370
Join date : 2010-12-18
Age : 25
Location : asleep
| | Subject: Re: Title Pending 1/2/2011, 12:07 am | |
| O.O Wow, It's awesome! I wanna know what happens next! | |
| | | | Zwn (Zoe in Greek)
officer, i just want you to know that i'm not like other girls; i'm cute and quirky
Posts : 8143
Join date : 2010-04-18
Location : bed
| | Subject: Re: Title Pending 1/2/2011, 11:40 pm | |
| CHAPTER TWO
Lying in a bed. Feeling like crap. Wondering why the hell somebody would murder my family.
Rain was pelting the windows of the small orphanage. The sky was gray, and no one was outside. Nobody was driving, walking, playing, nothing. The only sound was the rain pelting the window.
Never before has the weather been able to predict my mood. I feel dampened, grey, faded. No family. All dead. My friends will probably never talk to me again. I missed Sandy’s Sweet Sixteen. I won’t have a Sweet Sixteen. I won’t even have a birthday party.
The door to my room creeks open, and a small head pops in. It’s Katie, the orphanage owner’s daughter. She’s way younger than me, but she’s the only person who ever talks to me, so I don’t mind.
“Come on in, Katie,” I say.
Katie steps in. “Pretty suckish weather, huh?” she asks me.
“Yeah. Seems like everyone around here is in a funk all because of this rain,” I say.
Katie sighs and sits down on my bed. She’s holding a newspaper as always.
“Have they found out who did it yet?” I ask.
“Not yet. I hope they do, though.”
I sigh and stare at the ceiling, wishing that the horrid person who murdered my family would just be found and sentenced to life already. I’m sick of all this waiting, day after day to find that the person hasn’t been found yet.
After that, Katie and I just talked about random stuff. I feel like a normal kid when I’m talking to Katie because she’s a normal kid who talks about normal stuff, if you know what I mean.
After a bit, Katie has to go. She leaves the newspaper so I can read it, because she doesn’t really read it that much. She just looks for the stuff about my family’s murder.
I decide not to read the paper today. I’m just not in the mood. Instead, I go to the graveyard where my family was buried.
I grab my rain coat, rain boots, and umbrella. I put on my coat and boot, and then walk outside. I open my umbrella and start to walk to the graveyard.
When I get there, the rain seems to be falling harder than before. Like a rain of bullets.
I walk over to where my parents are buried and kneel down in the sand, my head tilted down. Tears stream down my cheeks as I think about my family.
“I never should have taken you guys for granted,” I whisper. “I’m so sorry. I should have spent more time with you.”
I look at my watch and see how late it is. Must have been a long walk. I didn’t notice.
I don’t want to leave, but I know I have to. I’m just getting up to leave when someone speaks.
“Tragic how it happened, huh?” a voice asks.
I look up at the person. It’s a woman with long blonde hair and one of those faces that looks timeless. She’s pretty tall and very skinny. There’s something off about her, but I just can’t put my finger on it.
“What are you talking about?” I ask, my voice shaking.
The lady smiles at me. It isn’t a pleasant smile. It’s a smile that says ‘You sound so stupid.’ “I’m talking about how the family died.”
“Brutally murdered. I know.”
“Looks like you pay attention to the news! Good girl.”
“That’s my family. I’m their daughter,” I say, my voice stony.
The woman’s face changes as soon as I say that. Her smile turns creepy and her eyes glow menacingly. “Ah. Yes. You’re the daughter.”
I stumble backwards. “Wh-who are yo-ou?” I stutter.
She cackles menacingly. “The question isn’t who, it’s what! I am a nobody, a lost soul. I kill you puny humans! I feast on you blood. I am all powerful. I am immune to any trick you have. I cannot be killed by anything! I am immune to pain or any emotion. And don’t say that I’m a vampire! I am not one of those wimpy blood-sucking bats!”
“But what’s the difference, really?” I ask, guessing that she’s just some crazy person.
“We can go out in the day. Those puny vampire burn, but my people do not. Vampires go into a coma like state during the day, but my people cannot sleep. We don’t suck the blood of our victims. We kill the victim first; then we suck the blood. We are dominant! We were the one of the first two beings to roam the Earth. The dragons were the others. Next were vampires, and the werewolves. After that came faeries, mermaids, and all of that wimpy story book stuff.”
I blink. “Can you make humans into your kind?” I ask slowly, not believing that I’m actually saying this. I don’t want to become a killer. I don’t want to be a murderer. But what other option do I have? I don’t want to grow up in an orphanage. If I do, I’ll be boring, just another tile on the wall. That can’t be me.
She smiles at me. “Want to become one of us, eh? Good girl. It’s a good life. And I can turn you.”
“How?” I ask immediately.
“You really want me to turn you? I’m the one who killed your family.”
“Just turn me. Once I’m turned, I won’t care about that, right?”
“Pays attention. That’s something we tend to like. Alright, girl. I’ll turn you. Now stand up and come over here.”
I do as she says, feeling all topsy turvy inside. Am I really doing this? Turning into someone just like my family’s murdered?
“All right. One thing we have in common with vampires is that we have to bite someone to turn them. It will hurt at first, but only for a bit. Then it will be over and you will be stronger, faster, better.”
I nod and stare her in the eyes. “Do it,” I say.
She chuckles. “Brave. I like that.” Then before I have time to do anything, she bites me. “Oh, and forgot to mention, you’ll pass put.”
And, as she said, there’s pain. Lots of it. But I push through it. I have to. Then, my legs start wobbling, and I topple over, everything going black.
__________________________
Yay, the plot twist!! Okay, yeah, vampires, whatever. I like vampires. Okay, so, tell me what you think, and I'll get chapter three done as soon as I can! Enjoy! | |
| | | | Bob
Big Three Demigod
Posts : 4552
Join date : 2010-12-12
Age : 28
| | Subject: Re: Title Pending 1/2/2011, 11:59 pm | |
| nice and imma say it vampires really XD JK. a couple of errors but no biggie. | |
| | | | Zwn (Zoe in Greek)
officer, i just want you to know that i'm not like other girls; i'm cute and quirky
Posts : 8143
Join date : 2010-04-18
Location : bed
| | Subject: Re: Title Pending 1/15/2011, 10:38 pm | |
| CHAPTER FOUR
If I was a human or a vampire, doing that would have just about killed me.
But I’m not a human. I’m not a vampire. I am a lost soul, a Soulless One. I don’t care. They’re just humans. They don’t matter.
Anglia and I leave as soon as I’m done feeding so we don’t get caught. Of course, it would be easy for us to break out of prison, but it would be plain inconvenient.
When we are safely out of town, we slow down a bit. Soon enough we reach the country, and we slow down to a walk.
The night air is a little cold, but it doesn’t bother me. It feels good to walk in the empty terrain, and I’m glad I made this choice. I’m glad that I decided to not stay human, weak.
After a long time, I ask Anglia the question that’s been going through my mind. “What will we do now?”
Anglia is quiet for a long time. “I haven’t thought about that. We’ll probably go to another town, feed, and move on.”
“Is there any reason that you’re going this way?”
“I’m supposed to meet up with a friend. Somewhere in the mountains. I’m not positive where it is exactly, but I’ll know it when I see it.”
“So we’re making our way to the mountains to meet this friend of yours, stopping so feed every now and then.”
“And eat. We still have to eat like humans. It’s annoying,” she says, wrinkling her nose.
I haven’t noticed it before, but when Anglia mentions it, I am feeling hungry. “So do we stop off at some restaurant in the closest town and get something to eat?” I ask, feeling a bit stupid.
Anglia laughs. “No, Shanice. We’ll get our own food. If we happen to be in town, then we will go to a restaurant and eat, but there are no towns nearby. So we hunt.” Anglia suddenly veers off the path for the first time. I don’t object, but it feels weird to be heading off in a different direction.
Suddenly, Anglia stops. I stop just as fast as she does. She sniffs the air, and pounces suddenly. When she stands up, she has a dead rabbit.
“There aren’t many large animals, so we’ll just have to deal with eating small animals. You go off on you own and hunt. I’ll go and hunt, too, and then we’ll meat up their once we feel we’ve gotten enough.” She points to a tree, the only tree for miles.
I nod and walk off to hunt, and Anglia goes the other way. I feel uncertain about going off on my own, but I push those thoughts away and keep moving on.
It’s easy catching rabbits. They’re so much slower than us that I feel like I need a bigger challenge, even if we’re trying to get the easiest source of food.
When I catch so many that I can’t hold anymore, I head off in the direction of the tree. After walking for a while and seeing that it isn’t coming any closer, I start to run.
Never before has running felt so good. I’m going so fast that no one can see me. I’m a blur, a strong wind. Invisible.
Soon enough I reach the tree. Anglia is already there with the rabbits she caught. She’s sitting calmly on the ground.
She looks at the rabbits that I have caught and points to the pile where her dead rabbits are.
I drop mine into the pile and sit down next to Anglia.
“We don’t have to cook them. We are immune to the diseases that humans get, so we can eat raw meat.”
I nod like that’s a completely normal idea, because to me it makes sense. I’m no longer human. I’m a lost soul, a Soulless One. If I need to drink blood, why not eat raw meat?
So Anglia and I eat the rabbits raw. It actually tastes good. I know that it would have been sickening to any human, but not to me. To me, this is normal.
Once Anglia and I finish eating, we go back to the path that we were on before.
The sun’s just starting to rise, but I don’t feel the least bit tired. I feel as rested as ever, completely calm.
The morning sun on the country look beautiful, but Anglia and I have no time to enjoy the beauty. As Anglia said, we have to meet her friend in the mountains.
I can’t help feeling that there’s something Anglia isn’t telling me, some secret. I don’t ask, though. It will surface soon enough. I know that.
Okay, I’m just gonna skip to the next chapter now. The rest of what I’d put as this chapter would be boring. Walking with barely any talking.
END OF CHAPTER FOUR
_______________________________
Yaaaaay finally!! I spent like forever on that one. Read, comment, hate it, love it, whatever, and I'll work on chapter five! | |
| | | | Swishalicious
Big Three Demigod
Posts : 3323
Join date : 2010-12-18
Age : 24
Location : 'Murica.
| | Subject: Re: Title Pending 1/16/2011, 11:10 am | |
| It's so awesome! I can't wait till the next chapter! | |
| | | | Guest
Guest
| | Subject: Re: Title Pending 1/19/2011, 6:06 pm | |
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| | | | Dexter
Minor God
Posts : 8306
Join date : 2011-01-14
Age : 27
| | Subject: Re: Title Pending 1/19/2011, 9:53 pm | |
| Has anyone read the Cirque Du Freak books because this somehow vaguly reminds me of those books. But still pure geunis. | |
| | | | Zwn (Zoe in Greek)
officer, i just want you to know that i'm not like other girls; i'm cute and quirky
Posts : 8143
Join date : 2010-04-18
Location : bed
| | Subject: Re: Title Pending 1/21/2011, 6:10 pm | |
| Lolololololllllll that's one of my fav series ever XD and yes, I did slightly base them off of the Vampeneze. AND THANKS FOR THE COMPLIMENTS!!! I'll get started on the next chapter soon. I'm having writers block at the moment. | |
| | | | Dexter
Minor God
Posts : 8306
Join date : 2011-01-14
Age : 27
| | Subject: Re: Title Pending 1/23/2011, 10:18 pm | |
| nice its one of my favs to props to Darren Shan for this writers idea  | |
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